Category: Joke Board
Mid life
I can almost feel myself losing weight....by
forwarding this to you!
You'll understand at the end.
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about
how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last
week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause
will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of
my own and would like to share them with you. Whether
you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing
your luck) you'll probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slow
down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our
newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have
wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless
shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a
mirror and you can see your rear without turning
around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you
realize that this is the only time someone will ask
you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young
lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even
the Roman empire fell and those will too."
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us
curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all,
beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have
stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the
only thing we can retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes
Legs By Rand McNally
-- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled
map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You
start pondering the "big" questions. What is life?
Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can
I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for
what is important.
We realize that breast sag, hips expand and chins
double, but our loved ones make the journey
worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that
you have now, for the body you had way back when?
Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the
wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy
and I'm sticking to it!
Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds.
Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew),
and you will lose 10 pounds.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds
immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on - I
didn't want to risk deleting this.)